Yesterday, I was walking through Washington Square Park when I noticed a small boy and his mother selling cowboy supplies. “We’re saving up for a horse,” they told me.
The boy’s name was Rumi. After speaking with Rumi’s mother, I learned that Rumi has loved horses his entire life. He has horse themed shirts, toys, and backpacks. All those things are great. But Rumi’s biggest dream is to own a horse. “You can get one for $1000!” he told me. After a full afternoon of selling cowboy supplies, he’d raised $1. He seemed a little downtrodden by the afternoon’s results, but committed to his ultimate goal.
That night, I jumped on the phone with a couple of horse experts— not Rumi’s parents— who have special expertise regarding kids who want horses. These horse experts— not Rumi’s parents— told me that having a horse is super expensive. It’s just about impossible for normal parents, especially ones who live in a small NYC apartment, and who aren’t wealthy, to provide a horse for their child. Sometimes this can be quite heartbreaking.
So I thought of a plan. Let’s send Rumi on a Wild West Adventure! With the size of the HONY audience, it’d be quite a simple thing to do. I spent all last night making phone calls, and threw in $300 to get us started. Please consider tossing a few coins in the [cowboy] hat:
“Miniature topographies inside 200-gallon fish tanks, based on traditional landscape paintings. Keever fills the tanks with water once he’s sculpted and placed the miniatures, and colored lights and pigments create dense, atmospheric environments. He views his works as an evolution of the landscape tradition and deliberately acknowledges the conceptual artifice.”
As a coworker came in this morning I saw from the corner of my eye something zip in right behind him. I thought it was a bee and just hope it stays away from me until it dies. But then I see my friend looking up the skylight and he tells me what it really is, a bird. Apparently I value birds higher than bees cause now I actually feel compelled to do something. I’m not sure if it’s some sense of empathy or the fact it’s just gonna poop a lot and then starve to death. I call our office facilities and they say they’ll send someone down but all they’re going to do is send a guy over with a broom or something and he’ll end up injuring it at which point the only solution is bashing it’s brains in with a shovel. That doesn’t really work for me. I want to be the humanitarian and the hero, saving the day from the villain I’m painting the facilities dept to be. I look around the room and improvise a plan. (for all I know facilities was going to send over a bird whisper who could call it to his finger and left me pet it before gently releasing her into the sky but between the two options which do you think would really happen?)
I grab a stack of storyboards that are sitting in the corner and head to the roof. The bird is trying to get out the windows and we can’t open them, so I figure if I black them out it will try and find another exit. I have to climb a ladder with these full size boards to access the roof and half way up I get stuck trying to balance myself and my weapons. One of the boards start slipping out of my grip. I manage to catch it before they drop but it costs me my grip on the bar. In one motion I toss the boards up to the roof and use my newly freed hand to grab the ladder and steady myself. This goddamn bird better be grateful. I line the boards up and theres not enough to cover the whole length, but I remember there’s a division made by the support beam by the window inside. I should have enough to cover the section the bird is in. I put the boards up and wait. I realize I didn’t make any arrangements to confirm if it work so I call the office to check how brilliant I am.
The phone rings. My coworker answers.
"Did it work?" I ask.
"You’re a goddamn genius"
I jump, throw my phone up in the air, pull out a gun and shoot it like skeet. Who needs it any more, I’ve proven my worth to the world in this moment. There was a problem, I’m the guy who solved it. You’re welcome society. A helicopter swoops in and tosses a ladder down to me, I grab on and ride it off into the sunset.
I think I’ll celebrate with a turkey burger for lunch.